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you are not.
June 1, 2010

You are not the only one who spends all day in bed, wakes up ten minutes before your significant other gets home and plows through the house attempting to give them some semblance of your productivity.

You are not the only one who hates taking that pill everyday.

You are not the only one who stops taking your medication because you hate what it does to you and why can’t you just feel normal on your own?

You are not the only one for whom medication does not work.

You are not the only one who has spent an inordinate amount of money in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

You are not the only one who wants a hug from your husband without him attempting to make a move on you.

You are not the only one with a significant other who just doesn’t get it.

You are not the only one that wants to crawl back in bed instead of walking with your kids to the park on a sunny day.

You are not the only one who wants to kick puppies and wield stabby objects when someone suggests you “pray harder” or “have more faith.”

You are not the only one who has gone into a shouty rage when asked “Did you remember to take your medication?”

You are not the only one that is afraid to write about your feelings on the Internet.

You are not the only one who worries how other people will perceive your so called “weaknesses.”

You are not the only one who spent years self medicating with alcohol.

You are not the only one who regrets their children on the bad days.

You are not the only one with a family who doesn’t understand “what the hell’s wrong with you and why on earth can’t you just get over it already?”

You are not the only one who cries at silly things all the time.

You are not the only one who is tired all the time.

You are not the only one who never wants to have the sex.

You are not the only one who doesn’t want to have more children because you’re just not sure you could handle going through post partum again.

You are not the only one who has been in a hospital for depression.

You are also not the only one who has considered if a stay in the hospital wouldn’t be just what you needed.

You are not the only one who worries about passing this disease down to your children.

You are not the only one who feels this way.

But you know what you are?

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

And if you keep insisting that you are for the sake of your own pride?

You are not going to get better.

God didn’t put billions of people on the planet for us to only take care of ourselves.

Related posts:

  1. The Superpowers of Motherhood.
  2. by cody.
  3. on giving depression a voice.
  4. Cheaper than a Tropical Vacation.

Comments off.

By Carmen on 06.01.10 10:26 am | Permalink

And with good friends like you, I will never ever be alone again.

xoxoxoxo

By pam on 06.01.10 10:27 am | Permalink

Thank you so much for this today. Because not being alone? helps.

By lauren hale on 06.01.10 10:27 am | Permalink

Right on!

Amen!

By Elizabeth Kaylene on 06.01.10 10:27 am | Permalink

So true.

How are you doing today? I’m really tired after a weekend of mostly working. Hope you have a good day!

By Jen @ Mommy Instincts on 06.01.10 10:34 am | Permalink

Your words are so healing and comforting. And as you know, have the ability to save a life. A life that is now the reason I continue to live.

Thank you. Again and again. Over and over and over……

By ~j. on 06.01.10 10:34 am | Permalink

Mmmm…how much do I love you, Casey?

By Fran on 06.01.10 10:36 am | Permalink

Well said. I hope it touches someone who needs to know that they are not the only one. It is lonely thinking you are.

Fran

By Linda in Canada on 06.01.10 10:38 am | Permalink

Brava!!

Been there. Done that. Am there presently. Doing that.

Carry on, my little friend.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me.

By Ninotchka on 06.01.10 10:44 am | Permalink

Love!

By Jen on 06.01.10 10:57 am | Permalink

Thank you, Casey. Thank you.

By Desiree Fawn on 06.01.10 11:05 am | Permalink

Beautiful post <3

By Hey, Mrs. Wilson! » you are not alone on 06.01.10 11:07 am | Permalink

[...] read this post today written by Casey over at Moosh in [...]

By Kristen on 06.01.10 11:10 am | Permalink

You.

Are.

Awesome.

I think I say that everytime I comment…but it’s so true. I’m going to print this out as a reminder.

Thank you.

By Avitable on 06.01.10 11:12 am | Permalink

You’re not alone, either. Don’t YOU forget that.

By Tweets that mention moosh in indy. » you are not. -- Topsy.com on 06.01.10 11:16 am | Permalink

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Casey-moosh in indy. and Lauren Hale, Dads Inc.. Dads Inc. said: RT @mooshinindy: new post. http://bit.ly/aPWdsp you are not. #depression #PPDchat [...]

By designHer Momma on 06.01.10 11:39 am | Permalink

Amen.
xoxox

By Adventures In Babywearing on 06.01.10 11:49 am | Permalink

Wow. Wow wow. You are so right. Thank you. Why the heck do we keep buying the lie that we are?

Steph

By Bennie on 06.01.10 11:50 am | Permalink

I know these things all too well, Casey. Thanks for having the strength to write this.

By Adventures In Babywearing on 06.01.10 11:51 am | Permalink

(answering my own question): because we don’t talk about it enough, no one wants to admit it, the truth hurts, but sets
us free. Thank you for paving the way for so many that might never be able to say it out loud.

Steph

By Kelli on 06.01.10 11:56 am | Permalink

Beautiful post, Casey!

By leel on 06.01.10 12:01 pm | Permalink

You get it. You really really get me. I never thought I would say that.

I get you. I do. We might be internet-sisters. We just might be.

hugs and high fives

By Lotta on 06.01.10 12:01 pm | Permalink

Incredible post, inspired me to share http://www.momomatic.com/2010/06/moosh-in-indys-you-are-not-post.html

I recall seeing you speak at BlogHer a few years ago and being moved to tears by your story. I think you are amazing.

By lceel on 06.01.10 12:03 pm | Permalink

You are not alone. And a long, long, long time ago I learned the value of a HUG given just for a HUG – and not as a prelude sex. Back rubs meant as back rubs – and not as a prelude to sex.

It’s called respect.

And it’s something that goes both ways.

By Gretchen on 06.01.10 12:04 pm | Permalink

Thank you. You are incredibly brave. You help me SO much with your ability to communicate so clearly this horrible disease. So many times I whisper “me too” – because you have so eloquently put into words feelings I didn’t think could be described. And so many days I wonder if it is possible for anyone to really “understand.”

You understand.

Me too.

Thank you.
<3

By Angie on 06.01.10 12:10 pm | Permalink

Amen, sister. xo

By Elaine on 06.01.10 12:14 pm | Permalink

I wish there was a “like” button just like on FB so that I could tell you I read this, I agree, and I appreciate you helping me see I’m not alone, but without having to say all of that. I “LIKE” this post. Thanks Casey.

By Aubree on 06.01.10 12:15 pm | Permalink

I really needed this right now. You have no idea. Thank you.

By Momo Fali on 06.01.10 12:28 pm | Permalink

Crying. Just crying. I hate to hurt, but knowing that someone else understands my pain makes it a little more bearable.

By me on 06.01.10 12:35 pm | Permalink

thank you Case. I had forgotten and thank you for reminding me that I am not alone and that I can fight.

By kj on 06.01.10 1:11 pm | Permalink

You. Are. Awesome.

By Meg on 06.01.10 1:16 pm | Permalink

WORD.

By Emily on 06.01.10 1:17 pm | Permalink

Wow. Absolutely beautiful, powerful post. Glad I didn’t miss this one.

By Kara on 06.01.10 1:18 pm | Permalink

Thank you.

By Issa on 06.01.10 1:19 pm | Permalink

I. Just yes. Yes.

Last week? i didn’t get a re-fill of my meds. Maybe to see what would happen. I said I forgot. In a way I did. It was sorta on purpose. Sadly it didn’t end up being a good idea.

So yes. And thank you.

By Kara on 06.01.10 1:20 pm | Permalink

Thank you. You worded it perfectly.

By Miss Grace on 06.01.10 1:25 pm | Permalink

Lovely girl, that’s what you are.

By Amber on 06.01.10 1:33 pm | Permalink

Thank you for this. Most people don’t know my struggles with depression and this post today really made me feel better. You can speak so well for many of us and I know that I personally need that.

By Just Shireen on 06.01.10 1:35 pm | Permalink

No, you aren’t alone. Not even remotely. And it’s nice to have a reminder that I’m not either.

xoxo

By Sarah on 06.01.10 1:52 pm | Permalink

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

By Burgh Baby on 06.01.10 1:57 pm | Permalink

Didja know that my mom had debilitating-crushed-her-soul-put-her-in-the-hospital-tons-of-times-even-tried-electric-shock-therapy-depression?

I don’t.

By Zoeyjane on 06.01.10 2:02 pm | Permalink

That was perfect, Casey.

By Must be Motherhood on 06.01.10 2:04 pm | Permalink

like button.

By Redneck Mommy on 06.01.10 2:05 pm | Permalink

Right here beside you. Feeling the same thing.

By nic @mybottlesup on 06.01.10 2:06 pm | Permalink

nope, we’re not alone. thanks for reminding me.

By mel on 06.01.10 2:26 pm | Permalink

what an amazing post. thank you.

By Barnmaven on 06.01.10 2:47 pm | Permalink

So well said. Permalinking for self-reminding on the bad days.

By Amy in StL on 06.01.10 2:57 pm | Permalink

While some of these may not speak directly to me; the overall message does. I feel too many days like I have a huge group of aquaintances and no friends… no-one that I can turn to when I need an emotional shoulder of helping hand. Thanks for the reminder that there are folks I can turn to; I probably just have to ask.

By http://goodnessneverfails.wordpress.com/ on 06.01.10 3:12 pm | Permalink

long time reader, first time commenter.

i wanted to say i love your blog. it gives me so much strength. i feel like i can connect with you through similarities (depression, bi-polar, attempted suicide, LDS). i really needed to hear this post today. thank you. thank you for today, and every other day, you are strong enough to share. i hope it helps you as much as it helps everyone else who is reading.

By Sara Joy on 06.01.10 3:16 pm | Permalink

Yes.
And love.
And no, you never are.

By Barb @ getupandplay on 06.01.10 3:17 pm | Permalink

Incredibly said.

By Kim on 06.01.10 3:29 pm | Permalink

This is so true. When I was diagnosed (offically, I knew I was for years before) I didn’t know anyone who had depression. My brother is bi-polar but lived so far away that I really didn’t see what that did. The only exposure I had to mental illness was that of my ex-brother in law who was so abusive when off his meds that it ended his marriage.
I was scared.
It has been 13 years now (am I really that old?) and I am so grateful for the MANY people I know who struggle and assure me that I am not alone.
You are one of them.

By Sarah on 06.01.10 4:22 pm | Permalink

For every word, thank you.

By mrs. r on 06.01.10 4:39 pm | Permalink

love you.

By Sarah on 06.01.10 5:11 pm | Permalink

Thank You.
Thank You.
I was having one of THESE days.
Thank you.

By Kymmi on 06.01.10 5:29 pm | Permalink

I don’t think I’ll ever understand what you are going through, but despite our differences I understand what you are saying. I can’t stand next to you in this, but I can stand behind you.

By Shannon on 06.01.10 5:49 pm | Permalink

Thanks for the reminder. :) Guess what? You are not alone either.

By adventure grrl on 06.01.10 5:52 pm | Permalink

This is so POWERFUL & BEAUTIFUL and amazingly written.

wow.

By Kim on 06.01.10 6:11 pm | Permalink

Thank you. It’s so true, but so necessary to hear.

By ClassyFabSarah on 06.01.10 6:20 pm | Permalink

You are awesome. Thank you.

By Heidi on 06.01.10 7:21 pm | Permalink

What a good post. I need to read this. Today and tomorrow and again in a few week and then a few months. I’m feeling very alone right now, but it’s true – I’m not, and my silence will only perpetuate the problem.

By Belle on 06.01.10 7:54 pm | Permalink

Beautiful and speaks right to the heart.

By Jess on 06.01.10 8:09 pm | Permalink

It took me many years to be okay with not getting better. With knowing I really would never get better.

Well said.

By dusty earth mother on 06.01.10 10:09 pm | Permalink

I get it. I’ve lived it. Thank you, Casey. Many kisses.

By Amanda on 06.01.10 10:15 pm | Permalink

Thank you.

I favorited this earlier on twitter to show my husband once I had a chance. I just asked him to read it – typical stupid response.

Sigh.

Why can’t others understand?

By mommabird2345 on 06.01.10 10:24 pm | Permalink

Thank you.

I recently admitted to my husband that I am depressed. I have been for a long time. I know I might need to go to the doctor and actually get something to help. It’s just hard.

By KikiMama on 06.01.10 10:45 pm | Permalink

Love, love, love to you! You are amazing. Thank you for all that you share.

By Domestic Extraordinaire on 06.01.10 10:46 pm | Permalink

I have rewrote this comment so many times I have no idea what point I was trying to make, so I will say this.

Thank you.

By Sluiter Nation on 06.01.10 10:53 pm | Permalink

thank you. brought tears to my eyes because this came at exactly. the. right. minute.

By monica on 06.01.10 10:57 pm | Permalink

ok. gulp. huge step. i’m not going to do this anonymously like i usually do here.

i needed this desperately today. i have had one of those days when i wish i could have remained under the covers crying my eyes out. for no reason. for every reason. just because my brain and heart are conspiring against me in that cruel way that even my meds can’t control sometimes.

and in case i haven’t told you recently…you are amazing.

By Suebob on 06.01.10 11:02 pm | Permalink

I pray for the day when mental illness has as little stigma as, say, diabetes.

By To Kiss the Cook on 06.01.10 11:17 pm | Permalink

I’m on the road today nad just thought of you. Glad I did. I needed this. Applies to a lot of ways to be but that last line is always the same.

By alexis on 06.02.10 12:18 am | Permalink

i’m lucky enough to know all these things, but it sure as hell feels good to read it from someone else as normal as you! xo

By Michelle on 06.02.10 2:52 am | Permalink

Just sending innocent HUGS your way. Nice long ones with nothing required from you, but to enjoy being held.

By Jenn on 06.02.10 5:19 am | Permalink

Stop reading my mind. I mean it.

When I was (finally) diagnosed with depression at age 16, my dad told me “We might as well send you to the funny farm.”

I know better now, but sometimes it still feels that way.

Yesterday I went out in my backyard so my boys wouldn’t hear mommy sobbing. I really needed this post. Thank you.

By Heather on 06.02.10 5:56 am | Permalink

Thank you.

By Amber @Beyond Postpartum on 06.02.10 7:43 am | Permalink

WOW! I am so glad I stumbled upon your post. I hope you don’t mind if I link to it. It’s really powerful and affirming/comforting to know that others feel this way and I want to share this message with my readers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Blessings, Amber

By Spring on 06.02.10 7:45 am | Permalink

I read this last night, and tears sprang to my eyes. Three weeks ago, I finally took the leap & went to see my doctor. I finally admitted what was going on with me, I just thought my anxiety was out of control, and I knew depression was there, it had been creeping up on me. It took a blow out with my husband and the knowledge that I no longer wanted to live like I was. She listened, she talked, she encouraged and then she pinpointed the problem with such accuracy that I crumbled in her office. She wrote the prescription and it helps, I’m a whole new person (right now, at least). She also gave me the number for a counselor. The number, has been uncalled. I know I have to call it, I know I need to schedule that appointment, but I just can’t seem to do it. The nagging from my family has not made me do it. Next week I see my dr again, and she’s going to ask and I know I can’t lie to her. Why can’t I just schedule the stupid appointment? I hate this part.

Sorry for the ramble. But it’s partially because of you, Casey, your honesty, your willingness to put yourself out there that I was able to finally see myself. Thank you. Thank you so very much from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.

Casey Reply:
June 2nd, 2010 at 2:03 pm

@Spring, You are not the only one who can’t bring yourself to call the doctor (or counselor.)

By Ami on 06.02.10 9:44 am | Permalink

I need you to remember that I am not the only one who thinks you are fantastic and talented and beautiful (inside and out). I am not the only one who counts myself blessed because you are my friend. And I am not the only one who is here if you need someone (however, I may be the only one who has had a naked, wet kid parade around your house and emotionally scar your husband.) I love you tons and tons and gallons and buckets.

By Chris on 06.02.10 9:55 am | Permalink

Thank you Casey. just because far too many of those sound familiar. And, I could add a few of my own. Thank you for letting there be someplace this isn’t some shameful secret. Sending you hugs from the surface of the sun.

By Kathy K on 06.02.10 10:38 am | Permalink

I don’t comment often, but I read daily. The reason that I read is for things like this. Than you for being real. Let’s face it, this is the internet, and you could put whatever you wanted here. You have made a choice to be real, even when real isn’t pretty. I thank you for your honesty, your sensitivity and your sencerity. I needed this today.

By Ivy on 06.02.10 10:47 am | Permalink

This is my first visit to your blog. Such a beautifully written post…and so dead-on! Thank you.

By Lu on 06.02.10 12:19 pm | Permalink

I have been wondering if these feelings were depression. Now I am sure they are. Now what to do? Find a Dr. I guess…

By Dawn on 06.02.10 1:30 pm | Permalink

Thank you for this today. It’s one of those days when I have no energy and feel like crap. Thank you.

By Judi on 06.02.10 1:59 pm | Permalink

Thank you for this and thank you for being @ CBC! It is really nice to know we are NOT alone!

By Kat on 06.02.10 4:59 pm | Permalink

A-men!!!! Totally been there and thought those thoughts.

By Robin G on 06.03.10 5:12 am | Permalink

Hit the nail on the head with way too many of these in my life.

Thank you for the time and effort this took. I know that blogging about depression was one of the most difficult blogs I ever wrote.

And there are so many I just didn’t write because I was just too tired of explaining to someone who stared back in confusion and still judged me.

By PunditMom/Joanne Bamberger on 06.03.10 10:17 am | Permalink

Thank you for this. I can’t tell you how I needed this reminder today.

By Carrie on 06.03.10 10:34 am | Permalink

I am all these things.
I have been so glad you have been posting so much during the last month. I have really been struggling lately, and being able to read your posts everyday and know it’s not just me has helped. I went back on the meds last week, so hopefully something will start to change soon.

By Stephanie on 06.03.10 10:54 am | Permalink

I cannot even begin to tell you how much your post reminds me of myself. My depression gets me down so low I am crippled by it. I feel as though I cannot do anything. Thus, my blog that is great need of an overhaul. I feel I cannot write about my true feelings on my blog because the depression is always in the way. I think “What is the point, who wants to read about this?” You write about your depression in a way that makes it o.k. I,too, hope to one write about my depression. By writing about my feelings, I hope I will be able to get to those happy places others write about. At this point I cannot.
Thanks for your post,
Stephanie

By Treva on 06.03.10 12:06 pm | Permalink

Balancing on the edge of the chasm, trying to ignore it screaming my name, feeling oh-so-alone, and then this.

Thank you.

By Val on 06.03.10 11:08 pm | Permalink

Thank you for this.
Thank you.

By Jessica on 06.03.10 11:45 pm | Permalink

Thank you. Words can not describe how much I needed this. I hope it’s ok that I included a link to your blog on my blog.
Thanks

By Kellee on 06.05.10 8:03 pm | Permalink

I think everyone feels all of these things, to various degrees, sometimes. I’m glad you are able to recognize those things. None of us are alone, there is always someone else out there going through something similar, or something worse, and they aren’t alone either.

By moosh in indy. » lupron. just say “oh hell no.” on 06.06.10 2:26 pm | Permalink

[...] hopefully this new girl will find her place and kick some ass while she’s here. Comments [...]

By di on 06.06.10 4:36 pm | Permalink

Thank you. Just reading your words and all these comments gave me courage today.

By sam {temptingmama} on 06.07.10 10:05 pm | Permalink

I love you, Casey. With all my heart.

By Kim on 06.08.10 2:46 pm | Permalink

I had a very, very, very, dark day yesterday. I wish I could have gotten up the strength to even come to the computer. Glad to read this today as I dig myself out and start anew. Loves.

By frelle on 06.08.10 7:03 pm | Permalink

I love you.
thank you.

By Elisa on 06.10.10 11:56 am | Permalink

AMEN and amen to this post.

I named my depression Estelle–the Crazylady that lives in my brain. I even have a picture of her that I have framed sitting in my kitchen window.

The internet makes me feel less alone when Estelle comes to visit. Which is far to often lately.

Thanks for your honesty and thanks for talking about it at CBC.

By Headless Mom on 06.15.10 2:28 am | Permalink

I keep coming back to this and letting it soak in. I hope you do, too!

By Tessa on 06.18.10 8:41 pm | Permalink

I just found your blog…. it is the first blog I’ve read that addresses depression…. I am so glad/relieved/amazed to find someone else that has these thoughts and feels this way!

By Selena on 06.29.10 5:48 am | Permalink

Wow! Thank you for this heartfelt post.

By here’s to you « lipstick, perfume and too many pills on 06.30.10 1:01 pm | Permalink

[...] over at Moosh in Indy, wrote a great post about the common threads that bind those with chronic illness together. I know I read down that [...]

By Wendy Burnett on 06.30.10 4:32 pm | Permalink

“You are not the only one who wants a hug from your husband without him attempting to make a move on you.”

So true – it happens, but not often enough

This is a GREAT post . . .and it’s something we all need to hear on a regular basis.

By Rachel on 07.02.10 12:09 am | Permalink

nobody is ever truly alone. it may feel like it, but in today’s world, it can be so easy to reach out.

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