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starting over.
October 23, 2009

Even though Cody and I have been married for over eight years we consider ourselves starting over.

Starting over with a new life, new goals and a new appreciation for each other.

This is where I get to gag all of you with romance.

On the day we started over Cody started a blog. A private blog meant just for me, where he writes to me, whatever he wants whenever he wants. And it means the world to me because I have all of these words from him to me in one place that I can read anytime as long as I have a wireless signal.

He also took me to the place where he proposed to me at almost nine years ago and he proposed again. One knee and everything. But the ring meant something different this time. Instead of wearing it on my finger where I wear the ring he gave me nine years ago I wear it around my neck, some of you have already noticed it. And in his own words this is what the ring means: (reposted with his permission.)

Here is what the ring means: (1) it is small and simple and represents my priorities in life from now on. Not that I view my devotion to you as small and simple, but that my priorities are no longer complex involving personal selfish goals. I got lost in trying to get you the material things in the world. I focused so much on school and work that at some point my reasoning for working so hard at both changed from being for your good, to doing well to meet unimportant personal goals. I will not ever forget that everything I do now, is for your benefit because you are my priority. Everything I do from now on will begin with the question, “how is this going to make me a better husband, and is this truly best for my wife.” (2) The diamond in the middle represents the goal of our marriage. I did not want to get a straight gold band, I wanted it to have a diamond at the center. The ring portion represents two paths that lead to one diamond. That diamond is our goal and we each take a path towards that goal. The goal is eternal life together. It is so important that we, together, get back to the temple. If I cannot stand to lose you in this life, how can I stand to lose you in the next? (3) Finally, the ring is to be worn on a necklace as a symbol of my love for you. I want it close to your heart so that you will never forget that I love you. I want you to take the time to thread the ring on the necklace. As the ring hangs on your necklace where it was not designed to hang, I want you to feel the ring hang there. I want you to see it hanging on the necklace as you see yourself in the mirror. I want other people to see the ring on your necklace and ask you about its meaning. I want you to tell other people how you got the ring and what it means. I want you to worry about the ring not slipping off your necklace as you come home and take off the necklace. I screwed up and did not treat you right. I let you wonder whether I truly loved you. Never again. You will know I love you everyday for the rest of your life. That’s what the ring means. I love you lady.

my necklace.

I don’t write this to brag, or to gag you all on all this loooove that I’m floating around in. I write it because back in February Jen Lancaster said “I like to write about things with an ending, things that are resolved.”

This whole experience is in no way over, but part of resolving this is talking about it. I thought my life and my marriage were over, when in reality it’s just starting to get good.

There’s too much divorce, hate and unhappiness in this world. I’d like to think if we fight a little harder for what we believe in there would be a whole lot less ugly out there.

This is why I share all of this. I never expected to be here. If my experience can give hope to even one broken heart out there then I’ve done more than I could have ever expected or hoped for.

Related posts:

  1. disillawsioned.
  2. happy! anni..v…oh.
  3. Hi, I’m a professional not pregnant person. Nice to meet you.
  4. So there’s this guy…

Comments off.

By Midwest Mommy on 10.23.09 1:34 am | Permalink

I am so happy for you guys! Marriage is a hard thing and a lot of people won’t admit it.

By ameliorateme on 10.23.09 1:38 am | Permalink

This is beautiful. And, yes, it does give hope.

And setting up a private blog, just for you?! Oh that is sweet. I may need to casually leave my comment here up on my husband’s computer…

By WM on 10.23.09 1:40 am | Permalink

I needed to read this. Seriously.
You’ve really made me think here and thanks for that.

Bless you guys.

By Headless Mom on 10.23.09 1:42 am | Permalink

Love is beautiful. So is marriage. I’m glad you’re both fighting for it–and winning together.

By Redneck Mommy on 10.23.09 1:43 am | Permalink

Wonderful.

So happy for you.

And so happy for Cody too.

By Magda on 10.23.09 1:58 am | Permalink

Wow one of the most honest and beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Reminds me that we can always start over, that this does not have to be the end. I do have the opportunity to start over. I needed this now more then ever, thank you for reminding me.

All my love and best wishes to you and Cody.

By Al_Pal on 10.23.09 2:51 am | Permalink

Easy to get sidetracked with personal goals. Love & partnership is so awesome.
Glad that has been reaffirmed as job #1 in the land of Moosh. ;p

By Chrysta on 10.23.09 6:20 am | Permalink

Awesome in the true, dictionary sense of the word. Awe inspiring. Awe inducing. And yes, a little bit just plain awwwwww…

By SciFi Dad on 10.23.09 7:23 am | Permalink

This comment is more for Cody than you:

Very nicely done, sir.

By ClassyFabSarah on 10.23.09 7:38 am | Permalink

Wow, you are (both) so honest. Thank you for sharing such a personal, intimate story with all of us.

By Jen on 10.23.09 7:47 am | Permalink

This is just… so awesome. There are so many couples who would let things crumble and let the resentment and life changes wear away at their relationship, but YOU aren’t doing that. So refreshing!

And I love the re-proposal. *melt* You got yourself a keeper, there.

By BK on 10.23.09 7:59 am | Permalink

This is really sweet and a truly inspiration for us. A lot of people think that marriage is the end of courtship; there is no more need for surprises, sweet words, little gifts of appreciation etc. Marriage should be the start of another exciting courtship. Thank you for sharing something so beautiful to us.

By Ohh Betsy! on 10.23.09 8:10 am | Permalink

Now that is some good, good stuff. I’m so happy to see how you guys have handled your trials. I’ve seen how couples can become stronger through tough times and it looks like you’re doing it right my dear.

By Debbie on 10.23.09 8:20 am | Permalink

When I got married I remember thinking – oh, so naively – that my heart would never be broken again. I also experienced that “I think my marriage is over” feeling, and I’m certain that nothing has ever been or ever was worse.

I’m so glad your heart is on the mend! Part two of my marriage has been infinitely better than part one. I’m happy for you guys, it’s going to be awesome!

By sam {temptingmama} on 10.23.09 8:21 am | Permalink

*hugs* You know how happy I am for you. ;)

I love you.

By NotAMeanGirl on 10.23.09 8:31 am | Permalink

I honestly am without words. Your husband… he’s a wise man. You and he are very lucky to have that kind of love. You made me cry this morning… Thanks.

By Rachel on 10.23.09 8:31 am | Permalink

this is perhaps the sweetest thing that I’ve ever read. Thanks for sharing it. It’s a wake-up call for all of us! Love your posts– they are inspirational.

By Angie on 10.23.09 9:16 am | Permalink

After your post last week, I got to thinking about our post-law school year. I don’t remember why we were at odds with each other, but it’s the only time in our marriage that I slept on the foldout couch (hey, I was trying to be different…instead of kicking him out, I just moved). In hindsight, it was all about adjusting to life together, when for the previous years we had operated our marriage around the rigors of law school (and we both also had full-time jobs). We made it through the tunnel. Absolutely I am glad we made it. Glad (relieved) you’re making your way too.

By Melissa on 10.23.09 9:18 am | Permalink

Wow. Just wow.
You are both so lucky to have each other. Keep it going, you’re an inspiration to everyone else!

By Maggie on 10.23.09 9:24 am | Permalink

Casey, Thank you. This took a lot of courage to share. I’m sorry that it seems like you had to go through that dark, sad time alone. I know you alluded to it, but only a select few probably actually knew where you were and why. That write-up from Cody was simple and beautiful. I smiled and even teared up as I read it, and behind the meaning of the ring and how much he loves you, I truly felt a sense of hope & happiness & things to come in the words that weren’t written, but still there. I hope now things only go up from here for both…well, all 3!…of you. Congratulations on your re-proposal :)

By pgoodness on 10.23.09 9:34 am | Permalink

Casey, this is so beautiful!! Cody is a very good man and this is a very inspiring post. You’re right – there is too much darkness in the world – thank you both for bringing back some light.

By Tiffany on 10.23.09 9:38 am | Permalink

i’m all for fighting harder for the things we believe to keep the ugly out of our lives. That was such a great quote from you that I wrote it on my desk calendar – so I see it everyday! Thank you..

By Katie @ Heart Gone Walking on 10.23.09 9:59 am | Permalink

I love how Coldplay says it: nobody said it was easy but no one ever said it would be this hard.

I’m so happy for you and Cody. And you achieved your goal; this is a very compelling and hope-filled post.

By DesignHER Momma on 10.23.09 10:28 am | Permalink

this makes my heart happy for you. Can’t wait to see what’s in store for the 2 of you. I believe it’s going to be great.

By Cathy on 10.23.09 10:32 am | Permalink

Thanks for sharing. That was beautiful.

By DWJ on 10.23.09 10:41 am | Permalink

That was beautiful and so great to see your remarriage of sorts to one another. We renewed our vows in February (right before I met you) and I feel like it’s made this year even better, it’s made me remember why we got married and why I can’t live without that man. Ahh…love is a wonderful, powerful thing.

By lceel on 10.23.09 10:59 am | Permalink

Yes. And to Cody, a Salute.

By Avitable on 10.23.09 11:18 am | Permalink

It’s funny seeing the romance written like a lawyer writing a contract. And good for both of you!

By Shannon on 10.23.09 11:25 am | Permalink

Why do you write things like this on the days that I don’t wear waterproof mascara?

It really makes me think long and hard about my marriage though. Can I picture my husband doing something romantic like this? Is this really what he’s thinking even when he does stupid stuff, or makes me think he just doesn’t care anymore?

It really goes to show that although we look at our men as selfish or lazy or mean or unthoughtful, thoughts like this could very well be lurking in their brains, just waiting for the right opportunity to show themselves.

Thanks for giving me a little hope today.

By Mrs Soup on 10.23.09 11:58 am | Permalink

That is beautiful. Marriage is hard and you have to work at it…but is so worth it in the end.

Congratulations on having an amazing partnership!

By cory huff on 10.23.09 12:02 pm | Permalink

beautiful. I’m glad the two of you are working through it. Marriage is far too important to lose. So happy there are people willing to fight for their love.

By Barb @ getupandplay on 10.23.09 12:38 pm | Permalink

Wow, this is very moving and powerful. I am so glad to see that you are hopeful and that you guys are moving into a better place. Loves.

By Adventures In Babywe on 10.23.09 12:41 pm | Permalink

Casey, this is so encouraging to me. Thank you for sharing here. I know how it might feel awkward or weird sharing the mooshy (no pun intended) and good stuff but some of us reallllly need to hear it.

Steph

By Ewokmama on 10.23.09 12:46 pm | Permalink

That is so beautiful!!!

By Ashley on 10.23.09 2:32 pm | Permalink

A true inspiration and such encouragement to a future bride.

By Jen L. on 10.23.09 3:06 pm | Permalink

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with all of us. The thing is, this WILL help someone, just like your past entries have helped so many “someones.” We’re all rooting for you, lady.

By Rick on 10.23.09 3:10 pm | Permalink

If felt good reading that, I can only imagine how great it feels to be the recipient of the message!

By Elizabeth Kaylene on 10.23.09 3:53 pm | Permalink

That’s so beautiful.

And what you said about too much divorce in the world and needing to fight for the things we care about to make the world a better place. I wish you both the best and many years more of happiness and love.

By Chris on 10.23.09 4:09 pm | Permalink

As someone who is a self admitted sucker for a happy ending, it’s sooo nice to read about such a happy, well, not *ending* but…happy step in the right direction. And, it’s good to know that in this world where so often people do give up on each other and love and marriage that you are so committed to one another and have given us all a little hope. It’s a beautiful story. *sigh* Thanks for sharing.

By Secret Agent Mama on 10.23.09 6:48 pm | Permalink

That’s just absolutely beautiful. I would LOVE a blog written just for me.

By Suebob on 10.23.09 7:48 pm | Permalink

Good for you two. I hope you have a long, loving happy life here on earth and a fine eternity together.

By Mim on 10.23.09 8:36 pm | Permalink

many blessings.

By Meg on 10.23.09 8:47 pm | Permalink

I think that’s really beautiful, and also brave of both of you for sharing this :) I’m so happy for you! And the ring is gorgeous.

By Shelli on 10.23.09 8:56 pm | Permalink

Thank you for your honesty! So glad to see that you and your husband are working through things and that you realize that “d” word is not the answer! His actions are incredibly sweet and at least from the outside (not having met him) he seems ready to do right by you. :) Congrats on your newfound journey together!

By Jolene on 10.23.09 11:54 pm | Permalink

the beautiful part of getting to that point where you don’t know if you can stay together, is never forgetting that again, and really seeing each other and appreciating each other in a whole new way. Your marriage will be better for it, from here on, and that’s definitely something worth celebrating. Congrats.

By Just Shireen on 10.24.09 12:59 am | Permalink

Just beautiful.

By Erika on 10.24.09 1:10 am | Permalink

You two are amazing! Congratulations on starting over. Congratulations on having the love of your life back. And most of all, enjoy the ride into eternity! What a blessing!

Thanks you two!

By Jen on 10.24.09 11:22 am | Permalink

An inspiration and a reminder. Yours is a chord of three that cannot be broken.

By Candace on 10.24.09 2:28 pm | Permalink

Wow. Amazing post. Way to take marriage for what it REALLY is: Serious, eternal business! Inspired me, that’s for sure.

Oh, and I looooove the private blog thing. I’m a “words of affirmation” kind of girl and Jonathan isn’t. Maybe this would help??

By mrs. r on 10.25.09 4:52 pm | Permalink

you know, casey …had i read this yesterday when you bought that necklace from me, i would have wept and wept and wept.

if there is one thing i have learned the last three years it is this: the fight for your family is the only fight worth fighting.

you are a fighter, my friend.

much, much love.

By Lauren on 10.25.09 8:36 pm | Permalink

I am crying all over my keyboard. This is such a true story, and thank you for telling it.

By Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy on 10.25.09 9:57 pm | Permalink

Thank you for sharing and for your candidness (Cody’s too). Marriage can be hard. People change and the relationship changes. Add kids, jobs, school etc. etc. to the mix and it can be overwhelming and tempting to throw in the towel. There is too much divorce and sadness. Anything worth doing is worth doing well and marriage is certainly worth doing. You’ve given me some food for thought.

By Sues on 10.25.09 11:02 pm | Permalink

It was awesome meeting you and spending time with you last week :) You’re a beautiful writer (and person) and I’m so happy I got to meet you!

By Amy in StL on 10.26.09 3:34 pm | Permalink

Thanks for sharing this. After last month hearing the second man in a year tell me that dating was too hard and they didn’t want to have to work at it; it’s nice to know that some men realize that it’s worth it to share the love that working at a relationship can bring. I hope someday that I’ll find a guy who loves me even a tiny portion of the amount that Cody has for you.

By Must Be Motherhood on 10.27.09 11:10 am | Permalink

I am inspired by this and it’s given me a glimmer of hope in a dark time.

You are courageous and generous to share such private information. I’m not so brave.

By amber on 10.27.09 3:32 pm | Permalink

That’s beautiful. Truly beautiful. I wish you both the best of luck – you can make it back to the good place. Really, you can. It just takes a lot of work and focus, which it sounds like you already have.

My husband and I were in your shoes a few years ago. I was so brokenhearted I didn’t know if I would ever heal.

But heal I did, and our marriage is a million times stronger for having gone through that.

Good luck.

By Neil on 10.27.09 6:42 pm | Permalink

Perfect post, and very meaningful.

By Rachael on 10.27.09 8:20 pm | Permalink

I am so happy for you guys. You seem like a great couple, and I see WAY too many people who are unwilling to put work into it and recommit themselves the way that you two are. It’s inspiring, amazing, and wonderful.

By Liam Craig on 10.27.09 10:17 pm | Permalink

i love it, you give me some hope. My mom is always reading your blog and said something about a post you did before this one about building two houses? I cant find it. I would LOVE if you send me a quick e-mail on where it was!

By Jenn on 10.30.09 3:37 pm | Permalink

That was simply beautiful. Here is to new beginnings and a path you many not have known was there. I hope you find your way and lots of happiness along with it.

By Mei on 10.30.09 11:32 pm | Permalink

I’m a fan of finding post-it notes in the morning, or leaving the occasional one on my special buddys car. I never would of thought of a private blog!

I’m so happy things are getting good for you, everyone deserves a chance at happiness, and in long-term relationships and marriage that’s a hard goal to reach.

By jenny on 11.06.09 10:54 am | Permalink

Thank you, so real and so appropriate to what I’m going through in my marriage. I hope we can ‘find it’ again and have that spark that you two seem to have found again. Good luck and thank you for sharing. It helps so much to hear from other people that are going struggling with similar issues.

By Carina on 11.09.09 7:32 pm | Permalink

I love this entry, it’s beautiful and poignant.

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