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The hits kept on coming.
September 16, 2008

Foster parenting. Adoption. Scams. Miscarriage.

Chances are a good majority of humans can relate to one of these. For many of you, one of them may have been a defining moment in your life.

Now imagine having all four happen to you, one happen twice, and it all happening within five months.

Now imagine it happening to your best friend and being a thousand miles away from being able to make anything hurt less.

Some of you were around when I wrote a snarky post about my best friend being pregnant. Yes, it hurt. And yes, I went about it wrong. Now imagine my shame finding out that my best friend had a horrible miscarriage days later. One that landed her in the ER, the day after she took a difficult foster child into her home. She was almost seventeen weeks. Had it happened any later she would have had to labor to, well, you know.

My best friend was in Utah, I was in Indiana. I had no words to say to her, there are no words for situations like this. When I did get ahold of her, I could hear the pain in her voice. She wasn’t herself. Her writing was not the girl I had known for seven years. My heart ached for her, and short of constant prayers for her I was helpless. Helpless until I told my husband I was hopping on a plane to go to Utah to hug her. As much as you’d like to believe my very presence on her doorstep with lasagna in hand healed her instantly, it did not. I knew she had a long road ahead of her and no one could heal her. I saw a glimpse of what God must feel for all of us, wanting to take all of the hurt and pain away but knowing that’s not how it works.

A few weeks later a birth mom contacted Kim, telling her she was pregnant and due in June and that she wanted to place her baby with Kim’s family. Those who knew Kim were over the moon. Kim began to sound like herself again.

And then crap hit the fan again.

The birth mom was never actually pregnant. She was seeking attention, and she got it. But she couldn’t have picked a worse girl to mess with. Kim and her family had been warned about these “scammers” and yet were too overwhelmed with what had already happened to notice the warning signs right away.  Chelsia, if you’re out there? I hope you have a thousand tiny slivers in your butt cheeks and all you have to sit on are lemons.

The situation with the foster child continued, given her circumstances and emotional state she fell in love with that little boy and loved him as her own. There were rumors of adoption with him and his baby sister but they have both since gone to stay with their birth mother.

Lastly, the most recent development was that another birth mom picked Kim’s family to place her baby with. This one was really pregnant. And really sure Kim was the one. Kim was ready. If I can say one thing about that girl, she is adaptable. She spread the news of the upcoming adoption, feeling it was safe this time.

Safe?
BAH!

Things went a little wonky with the birth mother, the situation changed and this time Kim backed out for the emotional benefit not only for herself but for her family. She has been picked by two other birth mothers in the past but both decided after birth to parent their children, which is fantastic for the family that gets to stay together, but difficult for the family whose arms are left empty.

Through all of this Kim trained for a half marathon, and totally finished it.

Why do I write this? Because her story needs to be told. Kim is an amazing mother, wife, photographer and friend. Never in my entire life did I see her getting hit with this much garbage in a matter of months. Had she been your friend and you told me her story I wouldn’t have believed you.

No one is immune from pain, suffering or sorrow. But it’s how we deal with it that makes us stand out. And Kim is dealing with it like a superstar, despite her feelings of inadequacy.

Her baby Peanut would have been born two weeks ago. Had the original birth mom actually been pregnant she’d have a four month old baby to care for. Had the foster situation gone through she would have had two more children to love. Had this final adoption gone through? She would have had five additions to her family within five months.

Kim was born to be a mother, a wife, a photographer, a sister, a friend and selfishly, an answer to my prayers.

My Best Friend

To come that close to five children. And be left with none.

Can you imagine?

Related posts:

  1. Dropping eggs and shoving fat kids.
  2. So this one time, on the way to lamaze…
  3. I see pregnant people.
  4. Humble Pie.

Comments off.

By Marty on 09.16.08 11:21 pm | Permalink

Oh man that was powerful…thank you for sharing!

Martys last blog post..Cassey!

By Evonne Sell on 09.16.08 11:29 pm | Permalink

I could only hope that I could be this good of friends with someone that they would write this stuff about me.

I agree with Marty…very powerful.

Evonne Sells last blog post..Weekends are the BEST!

By anna on 09.16.08 11:55 pm | Permalink

Blech–what a run of rotten luck. But it will work out eventually, and maybe it will be that much sweeter because of all that happened before she got there. Best of luck to her!

annas last blog post..A Different Breed of Geek; Or, Why Mainstream Media Sucks, Part 843,007

By Erika on 09.17.08 12:00 am | Permalink

Life is so hard sometimes. Harder than anyone can imagine. Thank you for sharing her story. It makes my life seem like a piece of cake. I know that your friend will come out of this stronger if she lets the Lord heal her pain and lead and guide her. You’re an amazing friend, one that I’m envious of. So from someone whose needed a friend, when I’ve been at the lowest point in my life, thanks. She needs you, and I think you’re amazing for being so wonderful.

Erikas last blog post..Copier Etiquette

By Reese on 09.17.08 12:01 am | Permalink

YAY Kim! It is so true that God provides unimaginable strength when we think we are plum out.

Reeses last blog post..The ONLY Reason I Would Like To Have Attended a Public High-School…

By Rachael on 09.17.08 12:08 am | Permalink

You had me in tears. It took 2 years to have my son, but I still can’t imagine this kind of heartbreak. I hope she ends up happy. However it works out for her.

Rachaels last blog post..Reading Terminal: A Piece of Heaven

By AmyLee on 09.17.08 12:25 am | Permalink

One day she will recieve everything she ever dreamed of, because she has earned it in the past 5 months. My heart has been with her the entire time, and what a roller coaster. I love that chick so much!

AmyLees last blog post..Birthday party!

By Barb @ getupandplay on 09.17.08 12:38 am | Permalink

Oh, Kim. My heart just hearts for her! She’s such a sweet person and darling lady.

Barb @ getupandplays last blog post..We’re excited…

By Headless Mom on 09.17.08 12:44 am | Permalink

I loved Kim in SF, just like I loved you. Now that I know her story, well, just WOW.

Kim, sending (((Big Hugs))) your way!

Oh, and we did have a great breakfast that day, didn’t we? :-)

Headless Moms last blog post..You Know You’re From Colorado if:

By Moneyguy on 09.17.08 2:12 am | Permalink

You never know in life, some people have it easy some have it hard. It’s God’s way, but with good friends and family a person is never alone in life! I always tell people “life gets better”, I will always believe this no matter how bad things get! Ya just gotta believe!

By Kim on 09.17.08 2:44 am | Permalink

Sniffle, sniffle. Tears…tears. It never gets easier to relive it all…but that picture of us is AMAZING…I love you. You are SO beautiful. Thank you for the San Francisco trip…when I have a few days to actually breathe I am going to write all about how wonderful it was. I love you, thank you for telling my story so beautifully. You are a dream come true and an answer to prayer as well. Like most of my best friends…I never thought in a million years I would ever be friends with YOU…and like all of my best friends I was completely and utterly wrong. Thank goodness I am wrong a lot and thank goodness I was wrong when we finally became friends.

Loves Case. Thanks.

Kims last blog post..If you don’t pee yourself…

By Ceci on 09.17.08 3:20 am | Permalink

I’m in agreement with Evonne. I had a friend leave be a great quote that I pass on to you:
“It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer.”
- E. B. White

Your friend is blessed, and so are you!

_c_

Cecis last blog post..Waiting for Amanda

By Lindy on 09.17.08 3:46 am | Permalink

As a regular reader of Kim’s blog my heart broke at each setback. I also sat in amazement that she was able to run that marathon- whoa!! I think she is doing the best thing after a year of tribulations- stepping back and concentrating on what she does have. That includes a kick a$$ friend who obviously loves her.

Lindys last blog post..September Greeblepix Contest

By SciFi Dad on 09.17.08 7:32 am | Permalink

Wow. Just wow.

That story is heartbreaking. If I were living it, I would have been on the floor of my closet in the fetal position about a quarter of the way through.

Sorry to repeat, but, wow.

SciFi Dads last blog post..A Good Weekend For The Munchkin

By gorillabuns on 09.17.08 7:40 am | Permalink

Her story makes me thankful for what I have.

By koehmstedt on 09.17.08 9:45 am | Permalink

Wow! Talk about getting the raw end of the deal time after time. Kim sure is lucky to have a friend like you.

By Z on 09.17.08 9:49 am | Permalink

Thank you – though I know it was NOT your intention, hearing her story makes me feel a bit better about my own. It’s been a rough few weeks over here, and when I think things are getting better, another incident occurs. But nothing like this. She is remarkable, and so strong. And I can only hope that I’ll be half that strong!

Zs last blog post..dashed

By Jess on 09.17.08 10:24 am | Permalink

My husband and I haven’t yet started trying to have children, but I can imagine the pain to lose so many blessed children without ever really having them first. Prayers are with you!

Jesss last blog post..And a couple more tid bits

By Nicole on 09.17.08 11:21 am | Permalink

Our thoughts and prayers are with Kim, and her family…

By Lori on 09.17.08 11:39 am | Permalink

Oh, my heart aches for her. I work in the “system” and it truly sucks sometimes. Foster/adopt families are the strongest people out there! To put their hearts on the line like that and then have them ripped out in the end is just so tough. We considered it at one point, but I knew I wasn’t strong enough. I pray that eventually she gets all the babies she wants!

Loris last blog post..Are you trying to insult me?

By Jenn on 09.17.08 12:57 pm | Permalink

I think we can all relate to her story on some level, but there is no way to understand that amount of heartache.My prayers and thoughts go out to you both!

By Rachel on 09.17.08 1:17 pm | Permalink

What a totally heart-wrenching story! My heart just aches for her. She is definitely blessed to have such a wonderful, supportive friend like you.

Rachels last blog post..Weathering the Storm

By Rhea on 09.17.08 1:47 pm | Permalink

Kim sounds like she’s been through the emotional wringer but will come out of this stronger. I can just feel it.

She’s luck to have you, someone who really appreciates and cares for her.

And, man, I love your sense of torture…butt slivers and lemons to sit on…you rock.

Rheas last blog post..A Remy quote

By Butrfly Garden on 09.17.08 2:32 pm | Permalink

Not to say she isn’t a strong woman and a huge inspiration – but I bet it’s a lot easier when she has friends like you, dear.

Butrfly Gardens last blog post..Very fast Chicago/Honeymoon recap

By heather... on 09.17.08 3:41 pm | Permalink

I feel really blessed that I got to spend time with Kim. She is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. And so resilient and strong! I tell myself that there has to be a reason she’s been put through everything this year. There just HAS to be.

I’m so glad the two of you have each other. Seeing the two of you interact, it’s clear that you both hold each other in such high esteem. You two are great friends to each other and everyone else you meet.

heather…s last blog post..Flag on the Cuteness! Five Yard Pentalty. Repeat First Down.

By Anissa@hope4peyton on 09.17.08 4:45 pm | Permalink

My own heart hurts for Kim’s heartbreak. I’m sorry for each loss, each time she put herself out there with love and got devastation in return. I hope that God provides the right time, the right moment, the right child that will bring so much joy to her life.

Anissa@hope4peytons last blog post..What do you mean toilet paper isn’t considered a necessity?

By staciesmadness on 09.17.08 5:25 pm | Permalink

no. I can not imagine.

my thoughts are with her in these times!

staciesmadnesss last blog post..LOVE

By Dallas on 09.17.08 6:31 pm | Permalink

What a strong lady to hold up through all that. Since you said she’s photographer, you might consider nominating her for the Running on Empty contest at http://www.merakohblog.com/2008/09/04/change-her-day-and-nominate-her-for-the-workshop. Me Ra has awesome photography workshops for women only and each time, she saves a slot for one special woman who really deserves a treat. I think her deadline might be up for this one in the link, but maybe you could convince her to consider one more nomination, or maybe you could nominate her for the next workshop. She sounds like she would really deserve it.

Dallass last blog post..Quick Trip with an Oops

By Meg on 09.17.08 7:01 pm | Permalink

Rough. But she sounds like an amazing and strong woman, and is very lucky to have you there by her side (at least mentally, if not physically!)

Megs last blog post..

By Kristin on 09.17.08 7:53 pm | Permalink

You are a wonderful friend. Kim is a strong person. It’s hard enough suffering a miscarriage (I know, I’ve had 2) but to have all those other things. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? You two are truly the best of friends. Thank goodness you have each other. Not everyone is so lucky.

Kristins last blog post..Failings and Recoveries

By HeatherY on 09.17.08 8:37 pm | Permalink

You and Kim are blessed to have each other. What an amazing story!

HeatherYs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Summer’s End

By Cinthia on 09.17.08 10:44 pm | Permalink

That is so messed up. I feel really bad for your friend. No one deserves that much heartache. I hope a lot of good things pile on her and she gets whatever she wants!

By Marilyn on 09.17.08 11:57 pm | Permalink

Oh my stars. I couldn’t bear it. I can’t imagine her strength… or her heartbreak. It’s wonderful she has a friend like you to turn to.

Marilyns last blog post..WordPress Bootcamp: Week Three

By Kristabella on 09.18.08 1:05 am | Permalink

That is heart-wrenching. She is one strong, strong woman to have dealt with this. She is really amazing.

Kristabellas last blog post..Look! Bullets!

By Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy on 09.18.08 3:01 am | Permalink

One of the reasons I love the blogging community is the sense of perspective it can bring. Reading someone else’s story through whatever filter we’re using that day can be a powerful thing.

Right now I need to quit my bitching and live in the moment. My heart breaks for Kim and wish her the best.

You’re a great friend Casey. If only everyone were so lucky.

Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommys last blog post..Update on 50 State Postcard Drive

By Bennie on 09.18.08 9:33 am | Permalink

Written like a true best friend would write it. Thanks for sharing Kim’s story.

By Skye on 09.18.08 2:34 pm | Permalink

I’ve been just sick with everything Kim has had to go through this past while! What an amazing woman! And kudos to you for being such a fantastic friend! Next time give her big hugs from me too!!!

Skyes last blog post..Got Dirt?

By Angella on 09.19.08 1:18 am | Permalink

I have not been following Kim, but I should. I absolutely loved meeting her at BlogHer. Give her a hug for me, will ya?

Angellas last blog post..Blog Nosh Makeover

By Jen on 09.19.08 2:02 pm | Permalink

Oh my gosh, I can’t even imagine all this happening to one person : (

Jens last blog post..Indian food and a discussion

By sus @ wigglerooms on 09.19.08 4:29 pm | Permalink

no – I. cannot. imagine.

sus @ wiggleroomss last blog post..Snallin’

By Carrie on 09.20.08 2:55 am | Permalink

All I can say is God must have something huge in store for her and her sweet little fam! Because he doesn’t just throw on all of THAT on a person unless they were super strong! Seriously, she is my hero! I can’t believe I complain about such trivial things when she’s facing much more difficult and heartbreaking situations! She’s pretty darn lucky to have such an awesome friend in you Casey! Love you two!

By mamacrow on 09.25.08 5:00 pm | Permalink

no, I can’t imagine… or rather, I can’t bare to. Am going to run around and kiss all my 5 sleeping sweeties…

prayers for your friend and her family on their way.

mamacrows last blog post..Books, glorius books…

By moosh in indy. » hedder spohr like mold. on 04.09.09 10:32 am | Permalink

[...] we took pictures. This photo is one of the single best moments of my life. Many of you know that Kim’s world was torn apart last year by an adoption scam, a terrible miscarriage that nearly resulted in her death, a [...]

By Al_Pal on 04.09.09 5:32 pm | Permalink

Oh my goodness. So many ouches. Wow. Scary. That is indeed a strong woman, and you two are fortunate to have such a strong friendship!

By moosh in indy. » watching pain. on 05.30.09 1:04 pm | Permalink

[...] I understand in my own way why things like this happen. But why did He have to go and mess with my two best friends in less than a year? Why did I come out [...]

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