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Social Graces.
January 2, 2008

When you join the league of SAHMs (stay at home moms) you forget that there are social graces amongst those who are not of your league. This is easily demonstrated in poop talk. You do not go to lunch with a childless friend and discuss the varying scents and textures of your babies poo. That is assuming you want to continue your friendship with this particular person.

I live a good life, the majority of people who surround me are able to talk the poo talk. However, I have a single sister in law, she just turned 22 and has her masters in accounting and works for the top accounting firm IN. THE. WORLD. Unfortunately I became too comfortable with her over the last week and let my “wall of tact” come crashing down.

She had asked if I had some extra products available to *ahem* assist in her monthly womanly journey.
I retrieved what I had from downstairs and while walking towards her with my head in a box of Tampax I shouted “I don’t really have a whole lot of supers, but I do have an ENORMOUS SUPER DUPER OVERNIGHT PAD…”

It was only as I got the word ‘PAD‘ out and held it up to show her I saw the look of horror, panic and fear in her eyes. She was on the phone. With an associate. A male associate. A professional male associate.

A professional male associate that she has to see on a daily basis in an office setting who probably didn’t want to know about my one last super duper enormous overnight pad. Or the fact that she was on her period.

Whoops.

Related posts:

  1. Balm, crap, spray, DANGIT, I quit.

Comments off.

By andi on 01.02.08 5:47 pm | Permalink

You? Have a wall of tact? Huh. You must tell me where to purchase one of those.

I too have been caught on this. I try really, really hard to not scar my childless friends and family members with my birth stories. Or to keep all bodily fluid talk to myself. Doesn’t always work though…

By Antonette on 01.02.08 7:04 pm | Permalink

Puhleease. My childless friends drive me nuts with their vacation stories, late night escapades with the guy they picked up from a bar, you name it. I figure if I can listen to THEIR stories (and some can make even me blush), they can return the favor.

By Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants on 01.02.08 7:16 pm | Permalink

Was it Gi-Normous Super Duper? ;)

The Moosh could’ve offered one of her favorites.

Also, I may or may not have lost bladder control when I read about Cody & your mom’s pressure cooker.

Mental note- Do not try to use a pressure cooker!

By ali on 01.02.08 7:42 pm | Permalink

childless people just don’t get it. my sister doesn’t have kids and when my sister in law and i sit around and talk about nursing and cracked nipples and bleeding and pooping…she dies just a little bit inside.

By Christine on 01.02.08 9:07 pm | Permalink

Try being the daughter of a nurse and then going on to be a medical professional yourself AND THEN HAVE KIDS. My nine year old son has asked me to cool it with the poopy talk at the dinner table. Yup.

By LifeAsIKnowIt on 01.02.08 9:30 pm | Permalink

Ha! Funny stuff!
I sometimes forget who I’m talking to when I complain about poop or vomit or other bodily waste. I love the look of horror from those who don’t have kids.

By Olivia on 01.02.08 9:32 pm | Permalink

My co-worker didn’t come to work today. Nope, he didn’t. And you know why? I’m pretty sure it’s because he was too mortified to face the ENORMOUS SUPER DUPER OVERNIGHT PAD.

Thanks.

By Queen of Shake Shake on 01.02.08 9:49 pm | Permalink

Oh, I have a thought for you…

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic.

Ha!

Got that one out of my new weekly planner for 2008. I got more of them…just let me know!

By kerrianne on 01.02.08 9:56 pm | Permalink

I am not a SAHM, but I do discuss the consistency and look of my puppy’s poo. Also, the man sitting next to be on the train today smelled as if he had recently shat himself. OK, so clearly the poo prompt (that wasn’t even really a prompt) gets me going easily. Ahem.

By FENICLE on 01.02.08 10:16 pm | Permalink

I once yelled at my husband to “come look at the dump I took” – yeh, we’re close like that. Anyways, he was on the phone with his very handsome boss :) Oops!

The next Christmas party was a ton of fun!!!

By Sadie on 01.02.08 10:37 pm | Permalink

LMFAO!!! OMG!! I can just picture the look of horror on her face!! Oh my.

Ah yes, the poo talk. Hubby thought he’d never get involved in such matters…was he sorely wrong.

By Shannon on 01.02.08 10:46 pm | Permalink

I can always count on your blog for a funny post! Have I told you yet how awesome you are? Too Funny!

By Carrie on 01.02.08 10:51 pm | Permalink

Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s hilarious! Did you at least play it off while she’s was on the phone like it was a joke? ROFLMAO! I would trade that one embarassing moment for a chance at perky boobs and a flat stomach again, even for just a day, anytime! Those young ones don’t know how good they have it, so maybe it’s just a little revenge from us tired and frazzled mommy’s! ;) Sorry Liv! Hehe!

By Carrie on 01.02.08 10:53 pm | Permalink

Almost forgot!

Merry Christmas my dear and I hope 2008 is good for ya!

By Marie Green on 01.02.08 11:01 pm | Permalink

They also get squirmy when you pull out a perfectly healthy BREAST to NURSE a baby. At a beach? In a bikini? No prob. Need to feed a baby? AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Gotta love those no-childers. They’re so cute and innocent. =)

By cate on 01.02.08 11:51 pm | Permalink

tact? what’s that? i think i knew that word once…a long time ago. it escapes me now!

By Barb on 01.03.08 12:14 am | Permalink

Hahaha! It’s always those really embarrassing conversations that get overheard, isn’t it? No one ever witnesses my witty jokes or my deep analysis of Tolstoy, but rather talking about anything related to periods or diarrhea…

By Kimmie on 01.03.08 12:19 am | Permalink

I can see the look on Liv’s face now. Hilarious. (For me anyway…poor, poor Liv.) I’ll bet she was glad to have you around though, nothing like needing a pad/tampon and not having one. I heart you.

By Amber on 01.03.08 1:53 am | Permalink

Where has this blog been all my life?! hehe. Blogrolled!

By AbsolutelyBananas on 01.03.08 4:02 am | Permalink

ha ha ha ha ha ha! I SO love this visual.

By Liz on 01.03.08 9:41 am | Permalink

ha! Good one. That’s the last time she’ll be unprepared he! he!

By OHmommy on 01.03.08 1:08 pm | Permalink

LOL… a mother is always prepared for life’s big events. I wish I could have seen her expression when she saw the BIG pad.

By Mary Beth on 01.03.08 2:07 pm | Permalink

That is too funny! Did she pawn you off as the crazy homeless person in the background?

Mary Beth’s last blog post..SEMI WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

By Erin on 01.03.08 2:19 pm | Permalink

Maybe not the last time she’ll be unprepared, just the last time she’ll ask you for help!

Erin’s last blog post..The OTHER holiday dilemma

By Worker Mommy on 01.03.08 3:30 pm | Permalink

Ok, I think that’s quite funny and not unlike something I would have said. And sure I would have apologized…through laughter that is.

Worker Mommy’s last blog post..Happy Snooze Year

By Jennifer on 01.03.08 3:52 pm | Permalink

So that’s why my childless friends keep dropping like flies! Huh! Who knew?!

Jennifer’s last blog post..Coke and Peanuts

By mimi on 01.03.08 3:53 pm | Permalink

Over here, lack of tact couples with lack of shame to produce such spectacles as me volunteering to show my stretch marks / muffin top / saggy boobs to anyone who doubts they exist.

Um, yeah …..

mimi’s last blog post..1 – 2 – 3

By janet on 01.03.08 3:56 pm | Permalink

hmmm. before my husband and i were married, he came into the house while on the phone and i let loose with a string of profanities about something that had gone very. very. wrong.

um, yeah, it was his 11-year-old daughter on the phone.

wall of tact. i could use one of those.

janet’s last blog post..Snow bunnies

By Anna on 01.03.08 4:26 pm | Permalink

Heeelarious. I’m picturing the giant cotton SADDLE I got from the hospital after Henry’s birth, too, which makes this story ALL THE BETTER.

Anna’s last blog post..How to charm me

By ~JJ! on 01.03.08 4:28 pm | Permalink

Ah, she’ll get over it.

We all go through it…let her face hers like a woman.

~JJ!’s last blog post..Memory Box

By Becky on 01.03.08 9:57 pm | Permalink

Hey, thanks for the comment on my blog.

I lololove reading yours. I stumbled upon it awhile ago and can’t quit coming back. The other day, I read the whole thing and couldn’t stop laughing.

I will be back…

Becky’s last blog post..baby, it’s cold outside

By Amanda Brown on 01.03.08 11:47 pm | Permalink

When we have company over, my daughter always fishes out the hugest tampon she can find, rips it from its package and drops in on the floor for the guests to see. How’s that for awkward?
PS: I’ve been snooping here for a while. Angella is always saying, “Did you read Moosh today? She’s freakin’ hilarious!” and it’s safe to say that she’s right. :)

Amanda Brown’s last blog post..Inevitably Anticlimatic

By Carlzbad on 01.04.08 12:00 am | Permalink

I like to think that people that don’t have kids aren’t exactly cultured to life. They seem to be more uptight personally and take things so serious. Although kids are a lot of work I like to think of them as a spoon full of sugar. They teach us to relax ! Nothing wrong with a good laugh here and there! That was a great laugh!

By Beth on 01.04.08 9:23 am | Permalink

You never cease to amaze me…

At least once a week you make me choke on my coffee as I check your blog!

By Kris on 01.04.08 12:16 pm | Permalink

Wow, it’s just one whoops after another… LOL Love it!

By Lawyer Mama on 01.04.08 2:21 pm | Permalink

Whoops.

I need a wall of tact. I’ve actually started discussing childbirth in front of male colleagues. It’s almost worth it to watch their faces.

Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..The Brittany Spears Train Wreck and Other Important Topics

By rachel on 01.05.08 8:34 pm | Permalink

That’s hysterical!
I find that same issue. Wall of Tact, great metaphor.

rachel’s last blog post..They Call Him The Streak

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