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Under Pressure.
January 1, 2008

I don’t do pressure cookers.

I will most likely never own one. Why not? OH! Did I not tell you about the time that Cody almost BLEW OFF HIS FACE WITH A PRESSURE COOKER?
He was making mashed potatoes at my moms house.

Silly me figured I knew what he was doing. Until I heard,

“Hey, how do you get the lid off?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never used one, don’t you know?”
“No, I only ever watched my mom and I don’t think this one is like hers.”

Excuse me?

You’re cooking with a lethal pot under the direction of WATCHING YOUR MOM over six years ago? Swell.

He started to grunt as if trying to push a very stubborn rhinocerous.

This is NOT how you open a pressure cooker.

Correction, this is NOT how you open a pressure cooker properly.

The BANG! was louder than a shotgun. Cody’s yell was not a good yell.

In less than the time for Cody to yell “I’m, um, okay?” I thought

“Heisdeadheisdeadevenifheisnotdeadheismissingalimborhisfaceor

hishandcanhegotolawschoolwithoutahand?Wouldhegetascholarshipfor

suchaninjury?NOtheywouldprobablykickhimoutforbeingsostupid.WillI

evenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?”

Ah, irrational fears.

I got up from the couch and before I even turned the corner into the kitchen I saw a good portion of the dozen potatoes smeared all over the wall 30 feet away from the stove. When I actually turned into the kitchen I saw a husband covered, COVERED, in scalding potatoes, I couldn’t see out the kitchen window because it was covered in potatoes, and the ceiling. OH THE CEILING.

The handle of the pressure cooker had busted OFF the pan and the handle was lodged into the ceiling. A ceiling surrounded by splatters of mashed potatoes. At least it wasn’t his face, right? The lid was lying off to the side of Cody’s feet.

I took a deep sigh and picked up the phone.

“Hi, mom, what kind of pressure cooker do you want?”

“Oh but I have a pressure cooker, it’s on the shelf…”

“Um, mom, no you don’t. Well, you did, but now you have a halfway decent attempt at a skylight.”

No related posts.


Comments off.

By Butrfly Garden on 01.01.08 9:03 pm | Permalink

Great. My grandma got us one for Christmas. Now I have a reason not to use it. :D

By rachel on 01.01.08 9:27 pm | Permalink

I actually just snorted liquid out of my nose.
Ahhh… you do make me laugh :-)
Poor you, Poor Cody.
So…. does mom have a skylight or just a nice dent in the ceiling?
Too cute!
Happy Y2K8 Casey!!

rachel

By LifeAsIKnowIt on 01.01.08 9:36 pm | Permalink

Oh no! Funny now, although I’m sure it wasn’t when it happened.
I’ve never used a pressure cooker…but I do love my crockpot ;)

By Marie Green on 01.01.08 9:45 pm | Permalink

Oh, my, did he get burned? What we won’t do for the blessed potato! =)

I’ve never used a pressure cooker… we, at the Green household, will consider ouselves WARNED.

By Queen of Shake Shake on 01.01.08 9:50 pm | Permalink

Holy crap!

You must wait for the pressure to slooooooowwwllly leak out of that stupid valve before opening.

Ack!

By Angella on 01.01.08 10:05 pm | Permalink

Ha!

This is funny, because *I* am the clutz. It would be ME covered in potatoes.

I’m giggling at the visual of Cody.

Hee!

By OHmommy on 01.01.08 10:28 pm | Permalink

Oh no, poor Cody. What did you guys end up having for dinner? Heehee…

By rachel on 01.01.08 10:35 pm | Permalink

Casey, I have requested your opinion on a parenting thing on my site. Please drop in at your convenience to check it out. :-)

By Loralee on 01.01.08 10:37 pm | Permalink

Pressure cookers SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME.

It probably stems from my mother screetching at me to run from the house because the pressure cooker was going to blow up when I was seven.

SHUDDER.

I will never, ever own one.

By Major Bedhead on 01.01.08 10:58 pm | Permalink

Heh. That would so be me.

By Skye on 01.01.08 11:28 pm | Permalink

holy crap! I seriously wheezed and wheezed i was laughing so hard at this! HILARIOUS! Please, please tell me you at least have 1 picture of this!!!!!!

By merilee on 01.01.08 11:49 pm | Permalink

“…WillIevenstillloveastupidstupidfacelessman?””

hahahahaha… This whole rant, especially that last part is so effing hilarious that I was laughing, HARD and out loud! Thanks for the giggles and always entertaining me with your clever blog! :)

Miss & love ya!
xoxoxo~M

By Suebob on 01.01.08 11:56 pm | Permalink

Oh my gosh. How scary. I just cannot get my mind around the saving 20 minutes cooking something vs blowing your face off equation.

By Sugar Kane on 01.02.08 12:38 am | Permalink

Too funny!

By ali on 01.02.08 1:30 am | Permalink

pressure cookers scare the everloving crap out of me!

By cate on 01.02.08 3:04 am | Permalink

yowza! that’s crazy! lucky he’s okay!

note to self: never buy a pressure cooker for fear of faceless husband and/or children!

By Melissa on 01.02.08 3:23 am | Permalink

wow, I guess it is a good thing my husband hardly ever goes near the kitchen let alone the appliances used therein! funny stuff!!

Melissa’s last blog post..sisters sleeping

By Burgh Baby's Mom on 01.02.08 10:27 am | Permalink

I never knew you could use a pressure cooker to make mashed potatoes. Nor will I be trying it myself any time soon. I like my kitchen to be devoid of a skylight, thank you very much.

By Karly on 01.02.08 11:42 am | Permalink

Good Lord, that scared the crap out of me. I mean, I knew he didn’t die and all, but I couldn’t breathe until I read that, you know, HE DIDN’T DIE. Yeah. I will never own a pressure cooker either. Those are scary.

Karly’s last blog post..Twins. A boy and a girl.

By Jill on 01.02.08 11:52 am | Permalink

This is EXACTLY why the pressure cooker we received as a wedding gift 6 years ago has never left its box!

Jill’s last blog post..I’m a walking cliche

By Clink on 01.02.08 11:53 am | Permalink

Bahahaha!
Pressure cookers and expresso machines.

Clink’s last blog post..And now a word from our sponsor….

By andi on 01.02.08 12:34 pm | Permalink

That is so scary! Wanna hear something crazy – I’ve never seen a pressure cooker in real life. I don’t even know anyone who owns one. After this post I think I’d like to keep it that way.

andi’s last blog post..The obligatory Christmas recap post

By Megan on 01.02.08 12:41 pm | Permalink

Ha! That is a great story. I can just picture the potato covered kitchen.

By Anna on 01.02.08 2:37 pm | Permalink

Yes, pressure cookers are very frightening to me. Once I was helping make dinner at my granparents’ house and my grandmother said “Have you ever cooked a roast in a pressure cooker?” And I said, “Uh, I’ve never cooked a ROAST.”

By Colleen on 01.02.08 4:34 pm | Permalink

“Um, mom, no you don’t. Well, you did, but now you have a halfway decent attempt at a skylight.”

hahahahahahahahahahaa

By Sadie on 01.02.08 5:16 pm | Permalink

Oh…my…Goodness….*eeps*

Pressure cookers scare me, too…and they did before this post. Now I’m VERY scared *lol*

By She Likes Purple on 01.02.08 6:21 pm | Permalink

Oh my goodness, all those potatoes gone to waste. But I laughed my ass off at this.

By lou on 01.02.08 6:25 pm | Permalink

He is very lucky he is ok. Pressure cookers scare the poop out of me. Stick with the baked goods- who needs potatoes anyway :-)

By Mom on 01.02.08 11:02 pm | Permalink

Jill, If you’ve never taken that cooker out of the box, can I have it? I still don’t have a replacement. And when we moved out of the house 1 1/2 years later, I was still finding potatoes stuck on things.

Men….what’s that thing about men not asking directions? Has anyone else heard about that?

By Kris on 01.03.08 9:33 pm | Permalink

pressure cookers scare the bejeebers out of me! I have one. I use it (for canning, not cooking). It still scares me.

Kris’s last blog post..Here it is… in all it’s glory….

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