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Literary birth control.
November 30, 2007

To the outside childless observer the moosh can make hearts palpitate and fallopian tubes to twitch. Especially when she’s in one of her “moods”. You know the mood, she dances, she sings, she even tells a few jokes. She uses her manners. She poses. She hugs liberally.

OLIVE POWER. 

It’s the kind of mood that lets me sit back, relax and revel in what a freaking fantastic job I’m doing at this mothering gig as everyone OOHS! and AHHS! over how extremely awesome my kid is.

One of these moods came out while a childless newlywed couple was around to witness it.
John and the moosh

These moods are the equivalent to crack cocaine to a childless newlywed couple.

My friends were blindsided, they kept giving each other sideways glances as if to say “You and me, when we get home, we’re making ourselves one of these.”

John and the moosh 

HA! FOOLS! YOU FELL FOR IT?

See, the newlyweds weren’t around at 3:30 am when the delirious moosh took to roaming the halls turning on any light switch she could reach. Who knows how long she was up before SHE GOT A STOOL SO SHE COULD REACH THE SWITCH IN MY ROOM.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” I screamed.

I figured I had struck enough fear in her to keep her in her room until it was light outside. (That’s our rule, if it’s dark, you’re not bugging me.)

Nope, 4:45 am rolled around and I was awakened to “MAMA, YOU WANT CEREAL WITH ME? THE YELLOW KIND?”

“BACK TO BED!” I shouted.

5:45 *tap tap* on my forehead. I open my eyes to her, THISCLOSETOMYFACE. “MAMA! YOU’RE AWAKE! YOU CAN PLAY WITH ME NOW!”

“BACK TO BED, IT’S. NOT. LIGHT. OUTSIDE.” I barked.

7:15 am ”Um, mama? It’s light outside.”

Now 7:15 is still early. But it’s doable. Assuming the waker upper isn’t as chipper as my waker upper.

“MAMA! YOU’RE UP! I’M SO HAPPY! LET’S HAVE CEREAL! THE YELLOW KIND! YOU CAN SIT BY ME! CAN WE WATCH THE BAT POOP SHOW? MAMA! CAN YOU GET THE LITTLE TINY DOLLS OUT FOR ME? NO, NOT THE BIG ONES, THE LITTLE ONES, THE LITTLE TEENY TINY ONES. MAMA! LET’S HAVE JUICE! I LOVE JUICE, IT’S SO YUMMY IN MY TUMMY! MAMA? WHERE’S GRANDPA? GRANDMA WENT TO CLASS. MAMA? I LIVE IN INDIANA, DADDY’S AT CLASS. MAMA! IT’S LIGHT OUTSIDE! TIME TO WAKE UP! YAAAAAAYYYY!!!!”

Remember when my kid was a quiet two year old and it was my nephew that was driving me to drink? Well now I have one of my very own, that I don’t EVER have to give back.

*ahem*

And to you my dear newlyweds, I wish you all the babies in the world, TONS OF THEM. In all their loud early morning chipper glory. You had just better thank your lucky stars I didn’t text the crap out of that perdy little iPhone of yours at 4 am. BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

As for the early morning renegade?

Lockdown in the house of moosh. 

I’ve got it covered.

No related posts.


Comments off.

By Jen on 11.30.07 1:34 am | Permalink

from a childless stand point I can honestly say that your moosh gives me the warm fuzzies and makes me want one of my own…but oh how I dread my sleep being interrupted. By the way I love the new banner! Seriously you make cute babies :)

By Kelly on 11.30.07 3:19 am | Permalink

Freakin AWESOME. Love the bungee cord. I wish our doors were close enough to do this! Wow… smart thinking!

And I love the new banner… those chubby little knees are too damn cute!

Oh and we have the same rule about it still being dark outside. But then my child will say at 6:30am “THE SUN IS UP!! WAKE UP!!” It’s enough to make me play “hide and seek” and I run to the closet with my pillow and blanket hehe.

By Kimmie on 11.30.07 4:29 am | Permalink

I heart you, and seriously her hair in that first shot…how do you do it? Yumm, olives.

By Kelly on 11.30.07 7:28 am | Permalink

“You had just better thank your lucky stars I didn’t text the crap out of that perdy little iPhone of yours at 4 am.”

That cracked me the hell up. But I have to say about 7:15am…that is a glorious wake-up time in our house. Because it’s usually 6:00am or thereabouts. Ouch.

By Rima on 11.30.07 8:33 am | Permalink

This post is so funny. I totally hear ya. I once almost knocked myself out trying to jump in the shower before my three year old saw me.

You can’t blame your childless friends, though. The Moosh is adorable.

By ~JJ! on 11.30.07 9:15 am | Permalink

1. great new header!
2. love this post…so true!!!
3. out of all the links you added. Guess which one I clicked on? Bat Poop Show.

That’s right.

By Assertagirl on 11.30.07 9:22 am | Permalink

I have often thought to myself, “Maybe we should have a baby…” but then I think, “What if we get one of those kids who talks constantly in one of THOSE voices…

Moosh is so cute, though. I like your new colour scheme and banner!

By chris on 11.30.07 10:11 am | Permalink

LOL.

Moosh is a doll. And she makes me wonder…maybe a 4th…

And then I look at my 3…when they are in that same mood…and I think..maybe a 4th…

And then when I get woke up at 5:30 asking if one can play legos, 6:00 because the other is ‘hungy mommy and watch wittle bwear peas’, and then a full blown 6 year old diva fit at 6:30 because they are staying home from school and now she’s gonna ‘be miseable awl day ’cause I can’t see Adam. He’s my bestest fwiend in evewywhere and I have to see him or I’m not happy.’

No. No need for a 4th. The 3 I have are just right ;-)

By janet on 11.30.07 10:15 am | Permalink

loooooove the new banner.

and that mute button? it kicks in when they hit adolescence. then you have to BEG them to talk to you. :-P

By Colleen on 11.30.07 10:18 am | Permalink

Oh… I don’t look forward to this. Zoe is still trapped in her crib. And there is a doorknob cover on the inside of her door. I’m hoping that’s keep her in.

By Kristin on 11.30.07 10:38 am | Permalink

What is that contraption on the door??? I need one! Please help! I’ve got 2 year old twins! ahhhhhhhhh!

By pinks & blues girls on 11.30.07 10:42 am | Permalink

Haha! I love your solution.

As one half of a childless couple, I know the “mood” to which you refer… I have had the itch to start making babies when around children in those moods!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

By Taryn on 11.30.07 10:43 am | Permalink

I’ve been reading for awhile, this post is hilarious. And I think the same thing with my little Samantha. She was also up all night last night and I was thinking she was not at her cutest when she asked me (no insisted) to go her friends house at 3 AM.

By stacie on 11.30.07 10:59 am | Permalink

ROFLMAO… yeah, wow, that is like a peek into a lot of homes with kids. Heck, I can’t even remember what it is like to sleep.

Great post.

By Nikki on 11.30.07 11:16 am | Permalink

every time my newlywed girlfriend comes over to visit she just stares at my children and i swear i can hear her biological clock tick-tick-ticking away. you’re so right…these longing, wanna-be parents would change their tune quick if they experienced the multiple pre-dawn wake-ups and temper tantrums =)

By Amy on 11.30.07 11:49 am | Permalink

LOVE the header!

My Goddaughter is 16 months younger than my daughter and I swear she exists on this earth because my friend Christie held and smelled my baby girl when she was an infant.

By Janssen on 11.30.07 11:50 am | Permalink

Hilarious! Now I’m curious what “yellow cereal” is.

By BOSSY on 11.30.07 12:27 pm | Permalink

Another use for those handy little stretchy things. Aces.

By Lindy on 11.30.07 12:29 pm | Permalink

Love the use of bungy cords to keep moosh contained! Love the new banner- I want to nibble those knees!

By kris on 11.30.07 12:30 pm | Permalink

A friend and I were discussing this the other day, the things they fail to teach you about babies when you are ready to have sex.

For instance, what will brother Pete think of me (or rather, my friend) when she adds yet another child into the family that he has to buy a Christmas gift for.

I’m so adding this one to the manual… teach your children the day they pop out of the womb that you can’t bother the mama until you see the whites of her eyes outside the bedroom door. Took me awhile, but I finally got em trained. Coarse, they’re not exactly toddlers anymore either.

By Clink on 11.30.07 12:43 pm | Permalink

bahahaha I am rolling!!! That is the funniest thing I have read in awhile…and really with the day I am having I needed it!
Thanks!!
hmmm maybe I shouldn’t be so desperate for my now week late baby to finally come out…

By Marie Green on 11.30.07 12:45 pm | Permalink

My kids tend to have the OPPOSITE effect on newlyweds- BIRTH CONTROL.

Too funny.

BTW, you could text ME that early, cause gawd know SOMEONE in this house is keeping me up- between the “scared” twins, the sick baby and the SNORING husband….

Hey! I love your new banner! LOVE. The chubby little knees… they make MY fallipian tubes twitch. =)

By ali on 11.30.07 12:54 pm | Permalink

oh, how i’m familiar with the THISCLOSETOMYFACE wakeup…sadly…

By Loralee on 11.30.07 12:59 pm | Permalink

My kids usually slept in until 9:30.

(Hey! I have to have something! I missed NaBloPoMo!!!!)

;)

By Angela on 11.30.07 1:01 pm | Permalink

Yeah we’ve totally tied doors to doors but just make sure you have tied down the inside of the room too. Otherwise all your storage in her closet…will be EVERYWHERE. Especially if you store glitter or craft stuff in there. Oh and blacking out her windows is good too.

By Skye on 11.30.07 1:11 pm | Permalink

Hilarious! Love it! Of course i think it’s funny cause Stratton is still in his crib thank heavens…but the bungee cord contraption? Brilliant.

By Burgh Baby's Mom on 11.30.07 1:39 pm | Permalink

And I thought I was a genius for attaching a tent-like thing to my Toddler’s crib to keep her in it. Heck, she can have her whole room, just stay out of mine. I’m going bungee cord shopping pronto!

By ashlee on 11.30.07 1:45 pm | Permalink

Hey I could have used those cords when I was babysitting my sister in law’s kids when she was in the hospital giving birth to #4. Excellent Idea!

However, I think the moosh is still full of cuteness!

By lou on 11.30.07 2:20 pm | Permalink

BTDT w/ the bungee cords. Actually, I got sick of the cords and unscrewed the doorknob and turned it around so I could just lock it frm the outside. My son was an escape artist- 4 am would come and he’d have gotten past 3 locks and an alarm and I would hear him playing outside my bedroom window. CRAZY. I’m 26 and keep checking the mirror for grey hairs- I’ve earned them w/ him!

WTG on snowing the newlyweds- misery loves company rofl!!!!

By LawyerMama on 11.30.07 2:37 pm | Permalink

That bungee cord is awesome. Me? I turned the door knob around on his door so that the lock is on the outside.

By Isabel on 11.30.07 2:38 pm | Permalink

My kid has yet to learn the “it’s dark outside” rule. But I’m trying.

Also, I saw an adult yesterday that looked just like the moosh. Except an adult one…which wasn’t so much cute as it was funny. Unfortunately, I did not get a picture.

Here’s hoping you get a nap today. Alone.

By kerflop on 11.30.07 2:39 pm | Permalink

The bungee cords? Totally wrap up how much I love you in one single photo.

By rebecca on 11.30.07 3:29 pm | Permalink

So I join in the love of your adorable moosh!!! And I just have to say that I am so glad it is the crazy month where you have to post everyday because I miss your guts out and this is how I get my daily dose of Casey. Said like a true Moosh mom fan…I heart you!!!!

By Midwest Mommy on 11.30.07 3:58 pm | Permalink

You made me giggle out loud with this…
Mine has recently found the light switches too and finds it very very very entertaining in the middle of the night. She no longer cries to let us know she is up she switches on and off her light switch. I swear the neighbors think someone is doing morse code out of our house.

By Jennifer on 11.30.07 3:58 pm | Permalink

I totally love tricking those silly newlywed types. Mwahaha.

By Lynne on 11.30.07 4:23 pm | Permalink

What a cutie-pie!! (The pics of course, not the waking you up every 5 minutes thing) Nice engineering job. Fortunately I was never under any allusions with other’s kids. I was trained well by taking care of siblings and entire weekends babysitting much younger cousins. They may look like little angels but there is always a crack in their halos :) One afternoon with my angelic nephew and he has you begging for mercy. LOL

By Angella on 11.30.07 5:34 pm | Permalink

OK, first?

I think that moosh and Graham would be great friends.

And second?

You are a genius. And hilarious.

:)

By rachel on 11.30.07 7:31 pm | Permalink

LMAO!
Moosh and monkey and princess so need a playdate… really, it wouldn’t take long to get to you from South Texas.. promise!
Love the new banner! Those knees are just cuter than a bug’s ear!

By Mrs. Mustard on 11.30.07 9:06 pm | Permalink

You are possibly the smartest mother I know. Must use this when Sacha figures out how to open doors.

By OHmommy on 11.30.07 10:35 pm | Permalink

I agree. The smartest mother EVER. Why did I think of that? Dammit! We are trying this tomorrow.

By Christina on 11.30.07 11:37 pm | Permalink

This is nearly a nightly occurrence for me. Cordy has trouble sleeping and is up at all hours.

I love your solution. We use a gate in front of Cordy’s door. She can push it over if she wants, but it serves as a physical reminder that we told her to stay in her room until we come get her – no earlier than 6am.

And yeah, fools. I wonder if they fell for it?

By Anna on 11.30.07 11:43 pm | Permalink

Oh my god. At least I know I have company at night. Let’s get them an Internet connection—perhaps Moosh and Henry can carry on together and let the rest of us SLEEP.

By FENICLE on 12.01.07 12:14 am | Permalink

G.E.N.I.U.S.

By Brie on 12.01.07 12:18 am | Permalink

Awesome. We used to do that to my sister when we were younger- loop one end of a string or rope around her door knob and the other around the nearest door knob.

By She Likes Purple on 12.01.07 5:07 pm | Permalink

That last picture is hilarious.

By Anth on 12.01.07 6:03 pm | Permalink

Oh I love it. I hope the bungee-cord-door-knob thingie works. Whatever that is. We trick those childless couples all the time, it’s SOOO fun. Baby E is often adorable at church. Little do they know…

By Andrea on 12.01.07 7:18 pm | Permalink

Confessing as a lurker, I love your blog. Thanks for the entertainment and all the laughs (and all the things in my life that you helped my feel grateful for). The month of November was awesome… as for a fave post, maybe the last one.

By Nicole Wagner on 12.03.07 5:38 pm | Permalink

I’m seriously almost peeing my pants!!
If you knew the kind of stress I was under I really needed that …..

why didn’t i find your blog earlier?

By Mrs. Chicken on 12.04.07 11:18 pm | Permalink

I’m not sure how this happened, but your child seems to be channeling my child.

“IT’S MORNINTIME! TIME TO GET OUT OF MY CRIIIIIIB! I WANNA BRROOOOWWWWWNNNNIE!”

By moosh in indy. » Dream a crazy dream for me. on 12.13.07 12:01 am | Permalink

[...] moosh Crack. [...]

By Antonette on 12.16.07 1:36 pm | Permalink

I have GOT to try the bungee cord. What an awesome idea? My own mood switcher will be three next month. They sound like peas from the same pod…

By Butrfly Garden on 12.21.07 7:08 am | Permalink

BUNGEE CORDS!!!! Woman, you are a genius!!

I’ve always wondered how to do that without installing a lock on the door (“Hello, CPS?”). Heh. My kid’s doors are right next to each other. A two for one!!

By moosh in indy. » Pushing Chairsies. on 12.29.07 1:29 pm | Permalink

[...] moosh Crack. [...]

By Mandi on 03.03.08 3:01 am | Permalink

We used to have to tie my brother in his room like that, but we used rope – the bungees are a brilliant idea. Of course, he’d get so mad, he’d tear apart his room. It’s also a great trick in dorm rooms, just make sure to undo it soon if the bathrooms are down the hall!

Mandi’s last blog post..Frozen in Place – Grand Central Station Comes to a Standstill

By moosh in indy. » Huffy Puffin’ on 03.23.08 11:23 pm | Permalink

[...] moosh Crack. [...]

By Stephanie on 04.09.09 5:18 pm | Permalink

OH MY GOD. Love the solution. ROFL!! <– bringing out the big guns, I never use that one. LOL just didn’t cover it :)

Stephanies last blog post..Protected: My Last Day of Secrecy

By Elizabeth Kaylene on 04.28.09 6:49 pm | Permalink

I once did that same bungee cord thing… to my mom, on April Fool’s Day, when I was big enough to know better but not cute enough to get away with it. Better watch that she doesn’t figure out that by tugging on her door, she can annoy the crap out of you!

Elizabeth Kaylenes last blog post..I’ve got this blogging thing down

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